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With the addition of a new baby to our clan, we’ve been discussing the implications of race in our family. When we decided to adopt again, our original plan was to adopt from Ethiopia. Seeing how Beauty’s creamy skin tone is a stark contrast from her parents’ paleness, we just assumed we’d be a family with a variety of beautiful skin tones.
Bella could–for all intents and purposes–pass as our biological child. We would never claim this as truth, of course, but she is as pale as we are–fair skin and rosy cheeks, blue eyes just like my husband. Bear and Bella could easily pass as birth siblings. And so again, Beauty stands alone.
I’ve often considered what we could do to make sure that Beauty never feels like an “outsider”. I’m not unrealistic in my hope, though–I know that there will be times when she questions her identity as an individual and as a member of our family–both immediate and extended. I know there will be times that she might feel like the proverbial “sore thumb”. We had just assumed we would have more than one child of a different race, so I suppose that we’re paying more attention to this issue now, seeing how our third child is a very fair-skinned Caucasian.
It goes without saying that we house a variety of dolls representing different races; for example, Beauty’s doll house sports three families: an African American family, a Caucasian family, and a Hispanic family. (It’s cramped quarters, but they seem to get along all right.) Beauty’s current favorite “baby” (doll) is Chinese. We’re a very diverse household, at least where toys are concerned. The same thing goes for our collection of children’s books. But at the end of the day, four-fifths of our family look pretty similar. Beauty is our “stand alone” beauty.
Adoption is, and will hopefully always be, a big discussion topic for our family. We talk frequently about what adoption can look like, and what adoption looks like (and means) to our family. We also talk about diversity–in our family, in our friends, and in our community. My hope is that by continually reinforcing that “different” shouldn’t have a negative connotation, all of our children will grow up with that mindset steadfast and strong.
Every child carries something different to the table: Bear is three years old, and is built to the size of a seven or eight year old. Beauty’s skin tone doesn’t match the rest of her family’s; Bella is visually impaired. My hope–just as every other parent’s–is to raise children who love themselves–and each other–no matter what.
