"The child has already suffered one major crisis by being put up for adoption."

Excuse me, Mr. Adoption Worker. I thought it was a loving, unselfish thing to do. You mean to tell me I was causing my child a crisis? How come you didn't tell me that while I was doing it?

(I just post this to point out once again the doublespeak expectant moms hear - good thing to do prior to birth, terrible crisis after you've done it.)

I actually do believe surrender causes pain for the child, but that's not what you hear at agencies.

As for the fat thing, well, they judge everyone in adoption, in the attempt to provide a "perfect" home, so this is just one more example of misguided attempts at social engineering.

Heather,
Is this guy an adoption worker? I looked up his organization and it appears to be a support group for families who've adopted from Korea, and "Members of the Korean Community who guide and support us in providing opportunities for our children to maintain and develop their understanding of the country and culture of their birth."
Don't much like the statement attributed in the article coming from someone from that angle, either.

Social engineering, indeed.

I agree. I would much rather see a child grow up in a household w/overweight parents than with parents who are thin with other issues, like anorexia or diet obsession. I have adult friends whose mothers are thin and spent their entire childhoods counting the children's calories and pressuring them to stay thin. (Some of these mothers continue to pressure my friends, even though my friends are in their 30's!!) I don't see us banning all thin couples from adopting for that reason.

- Faith

Well, as a hopeful adoptive mom who... *ahem*... "lives large", or at least a little larger than she should.... this sort of thing is a real and scary prospect that looms in the adoption process. As if all the screening and all the questions and relinquishing a great deal of the power in this process were not enough to make you more than a little stressed, add to this the little niggling voice in the back of your head telling you that somewhere along the line, someone might judge you to be too fat to parent. It doesn't matter that you run every day, or your husband plays soccer every week, or you coach children in minor-league sports... your BMI makes you an unworthy potential parent. It's bizarre and not just a little bit frightening.

I agree that it's nothing but bigotry based on superficiality. In some countries, those ravaged by HIV/AIDS or starvation, being thin is equated with disease. And yet there is no bias against thin potential parents in these instances.

They can try to mask this weight standard in health-risk doublespeak all they want... it's still anti-fat prejudice. And nonsense.

As an overweight adoptive mother myself, I can only concur.

I do, however, think that it's more than just looks. Overweight people are at increased risk for several serious illnesses, including diabetes, cardiovascular disease and heart attack/stroke. To lose a parent who is fairly young (as I did) is certainly a trauma.

However (you knew there was a however, right?), my social worker made sure that I was under the care of a physician, that I was taking medication for any diagnosed medical issues and that I was in good health. My chances of living long enough to raise a child or two are, in the words of my MD, excellent. But I still can't adopt from China, Taiwan, or South Korea. Better for the children to wait for thin parents.

As far as thin and beautiful people being better parents, "Mommy Dearest", anyone?

The prejudice that makes me crazy (pun intended) is the restriction on adoption by parents taking any type of anti-depressant. Excuse me? As someone who has worked in health care (and so had access to tons of medical files), I can assure you that a HUGE number of people take anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication. And, I might add, are perfectly upstanding, moral, emotionally stable people. Perhaps we should only allow the depressed and anxious to adopt?

My husband, in a fit of complete adolescent idiocy, decided to join a scam run by co-workers at a gas station. They decided to pocket the few cents per gallon that was supposed to be returned to cash-paying customers. Their profits? Around seven dollars a day. After about three weeks, the manager caught on, decided to make an "example" of the perpetrators and called the police. My husband was taken to the police station and charges were filed, however, he paid a fine (larger by about fifty dollars than his "profits"), endured a fairly painful lecture from my in-laws and repaid the stolen money. No jail time, no probation, no bloody glove. An incredibly stupid thing to do, right? Absoloutely. But hardly a cause to shun him as a criminal. He was 19 at the time. Twenty-two years later, we were "declined" by the China program because of it. Yep, my husband the professional criminal, is considered to be too much of a jail risk to be a good parent. Even my 13 month old son can tell you what a bunch of malarkey that is.

Sometimes these "guarantees" of perfect adoptive parents go just a little too far, don't ya think?

This is crazy and a very dangerous road to go down.

Abby

Silly, I think. Even though I feel like i need to lose a bit of weight, it's still stupid to say, "Nope, sorry, no child for you as you are too rotund and round."
I don't see how that could keep a person from being a parent as long as they are not TOO rotund... Like weighting 1000 pounds or something. But if they are a bit overweight, why does that matter as long as they are healthy?
There are huge muscular people to consider wh o are just HUGE and all muscle.

I wish I could say that I'm sitting here slack-jawed in disbelief, but as a person who has been very overweight all my life I'm just surprised this didn't happen sooner. I thought fat-bias was only really rampant in the US, but it appears as though it's gone global. Bias against fat people indeed seems to be the last acceptable form of prejudice; I've been turned down for countless jobs (for which I was highly qualified), apartments, loans, insurance and healthcare services (that's right, I have had doctors refuse to treat me because they thought I was too large..in the words of one doctor "If you're going to decide to be so overweight, you should expect to be infertile" Decide? Expect?)do to my weight in spite of the fact that I have no health or mobility issues at all. I succeeded in adopting my son from Russia two years ago with no trouble and I am in the middle of my second adoption from Russia as well, but I have to admit I've been wringing my hands that Russia might jump on the anti-fat bandwagon ever since China handed down their new requirements. In fact, when I heard of China's new rules, I took a long, hard look at myself in the mirror and tried to fathom the fact that there are entire social systems and governments that believe that having no love is better than being loved and cared for by a fat person. I hope no one ever informs my son or husband of the error in judgement they've made by letting me love them.

I think this points out how ridiculous the whole foundation is -that social workers/adoption workers actually think they can know who will make the best parents. And then play God to make that happen.

People seem to be okay with it when the social indicator is something like money, education or wedding bands, but turn to something like weight or health and they start getting nervous. Personally I think all of these markers are suspect!

Hey! Where did you get that picture of my husband and I at the start of your post?

*snicker*

Well I freely admit it was hard not to roll over a smoosh my first baby she was so darn tiny and I am so rotund. I also had to be very careful not to accidently lose her in the folds of my belly flubber when I hugged her. Feeding the little rascal helped make her more visible and lessen the risks of that though.
My second and third children were taught by their older sister how to find air pockets in the sofa cushions, in case I parked my posterior in a space they already occupied.
Now my biggest problem is to try and avoid eating one of the little dears by accident (heaven forbid there is not a McDonalds close by!)

Deb, what a funny response, it really made me laugh. But all in all, the whole situation just makes me so sad. I've been waiting for 14 years to adopt from China and I have another 2 to go before I'm old enough. Now the BMI restrictions might disqualify me. I say might, because I've honestly not had the courage to check if my BMI is over 40. Being fat doesn't make me a bad mother and no, I don't have high blood pressure or cardiovascular disease.

My best friends mother is almost skeletal in appearance and she is constantly making remarks about fat people. She even told my friend that my hubby would leave me if I didn't loose weight, because a man cannot love a fat woman. Must really bite her butt that her husband is now shacked up with a woman twice my size.

If they want to restrict the upper limits of BMI, isn't it only fair that someone at the lower end of the scale also gets prohibited from adopting? Someone who is underweight has significant health risks too and is at just a high risk of dying of a heart attack. Who takes that into consideration?

I find it funny that people are complaining about fat-bashing and stereotypes of overweight people, while making these same mistakes in regard to thin people. Thin people experience bigotry as well, from kindergarten on up. Having someone walk up to you and say, "god, eat a hamburger." or, "you are so tiny!" is just as belittling (yet another pun) as many of the callous overweight cracks. in both cases you just have to put yourself in the other persons shoes.
So, lets stop fighting about who is better fat/skinny, no one is and thats not what this is about. Its about stereotyping. of overweight people, those without college degrees, without large net-worths, etc.

Well, it's a good thing no one ever told my kids workers that, or I wouldn't have any, and my kids would have bounced around foster care for much longer than they did. They love me being "soft" to hug and the fact that I have some curves, not to mention an ample bosom for them to snuggle up against rather than feeling sharp bones digging into them.

Would you rather have a fat mom who loves you, or a skinny one who hates you??

I have no desire to "bash" anyone regarding their physical appearance, but no one can make me believe that very thin people take as much flack from society as large or fat people do. I certainly believe that any comments made by anyone about a person's appearance are at the very least rude and can also be hurtful and devastating. The issue for me is that size has nothing to do with a person's ability to be a good parent, but as far as I know there has been no regulation set forth that puts a limit on how THIN is TOO THIN to adopt/be a good parent. It is apparent to me that the general consensus in international adoption regulations does not address or consider issues with adoptive parents who could have health issues from being underweight; it seems as if the "rule-makers" believe thin=healthy. If we are going to prohibit adoption based on weight under the guise of potential health issues, it occurs to me that the judgement should be made to cover both ends of the weight spectrum. For my part, I believe there are much deeper issues with regards to prohibiting "overweight" folks from adopting; it's not just the fat person's weight that is under scrutiny, but their judgement, intellect, abilities, industry and morals. That may seem like a huge and unrelated leap to the thin or average weight individual, but you only have to research the statistics regarding thin/average weight people and their fat counterparts to find out that fat people make less money for doing the same job as a thin person. Fat people are more likely to be poor, less educated, married, promoted at their workplace...well, you get the picture. The statistics are out there and very hard to deny--fat people have a hard row to hoe in this world and it seems a lot of explaining to do with regards to their physical being. I, for one, am tired of apologizing for my weight and I take exception to being excluded from ANYTHING based on my size.

Correction to my last comment--fat people are more likely to be UNMARRIED not married. Pardon my proofreading skills. :)

Good points, OwensMama:

I think it's safe to say, without fear of thin-bashing, that there is more bias against fat people than against thin people.


A priest once said to me that fat people wear their faults (in the case of over-eating, as is my issue) on the outside and it makes it so easy for others to comment, insult, ridicule and belittle while ignoring what faults they themselves carry.

It would be interesting, would it not, if everyone carried a list of their worst faults stamped on their forehead. Gives me a little chuckle to think about it....

just looking at percentages, a 5'6" woman with a bmi of 40 is 61% (in lbs) above the highest end of the "normal weight" range. taking that 61% off of the lowest end of the "normal weight" range, would give you a woman with a bmi of 11.3, or a 5'6" woman weighing only 70lbs!!!! this is why there are no regulations on the lower end, because that woman is 3.7 bmi points into the category of "STARVATION" and is not in any doctor approved condition to adopt.
the same follows for a woman of the national average height, 5'3", using the same approach, she would weigh a mere 64lbs, and once again, never be approved by a doctor.