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Today, my facebook friends’ list is overflowing with commentary regarding the catastrophic tragedy in Haiti. While everyone is more than sympathetic, I have to admit that while I’ve managed to refrain from getting into huge debates I have been unable to keep my commenting to a minimum. The status updates start off quite innocuously with a discussion about the U.S.’s financial contribution to Haiti. This is not a political blog, and I have no interest in discussing that specific tenant of said topic in this forum. However, more often than not (on my friends’ status updates) the topic changes immediately to anti-adoption sentiment. Not anti-adoption in general, mind you–anti-international adoption. Naturally, there are no broad claims openly opposing international adoption, but here is one example of what I’ve read as of late: “[insert individual commentary on the monetary issues] and another thing, why all the push to adopt these orphans when we have our own children to worry about? All these celebrities started a bad trend with adopting overseas. Whatever happened to taking care of our own?”
Head, meet desk.
Listen: I’ll be the first to tell you that I believe that international adoption could benefit from a huge ethical overhaul on many different levels. Will it happen? Well, anything is possible, but that’s not the point. My point is, however, that I’m not quite sure what one thing has to do with another. We’re comparing apples to oranges. Is it that the U.S. boasts such purely ethical adoptions that there have never been birth moms deceived by their agencies? In the history of adoptions in the United States, is it that no adoptive parents have ever been scammed out of thousands of dollars? Should there be no concern with these issues as long as we’re taking care of “our own”? And who is anyone to define “our own”? Is this statement made by the same people who will immediately eschew adoption in any form other than foster care because “foster care adoption is ‘free’”? (And that’s a discussion in itself for another time.)
I know I’m waxing poetic with a dream of purely ethical adoptions across the board, but let’s get real: it isn’t the case and probably will never be the case. There will always be corruption in some form, as I believe there is always a higher incidence of corruption on some level where the proverbial pocketbook is concerned. There will always be exposes dogging international adoption, and there will always be parents (be it birth or adoptive) that are led astray–intentionally or domestically–by their agency, an adoption attorney, and so on. Is adoption the answer to Haiti’s state of crisis for the children? I don’t know. But I do know it’s not that easy. It’s not the same thing as, say, getting a puppy. You don’t just decide you want to adopt and poof! here’s a child for you–be it internationally, domestically, or from foster care. It isn’t the case and should never be the case.
I think it’s easier to be critical of the international adoption circuit as a result of all the highly-publicized scandals. It’s easier to turn a blind eye in the cases of “our own”. Personally, I don’t believe that international adoption trumps domestic adoption (be it open newborn, foster care, or so on). Apples to oranges: aren’t all children in the world “our own”? Is it that borders clearly define who can be labeled a “family”? Are we not all ultimately in this [world] together?
Apparently not. It’s alarming to see how many people equate international adoption with scandal and expense, but somehow manage to avoid ever attaching that same string of emotions to domestic adoption. I’m not saying all domestic adoptions–or international adoptions–are unethical, but I am saying that adopting “our own” is quite the intense play on words. I’m hard pressed to believe adoption is the only/right/ethical answer to the tragedy in Haiti, but it’s a slippery slope; while I ultimately want what’s best for the children, I don’t want to think of a mother wrongfully separated from her child for life because the child was an alleged orphan. There are parameters set in place to determine if a child is a true orphan, and they need to be followed, even in a time of tragedy. That is bare-bone ethics 101.
I’m all for adopting “our own”, but honestly, I’m all for adoption in general. It’s not a flawless system in this world by any means, but I don’t believe domestic adoption is the only answer. I do believe, however, that there are ways to help the children of Haiti that do not include adoption. I do believe that many people want to do good in their sentiments of desire to adopt Haitian children, as I believe many of the people claiming we need to focus on “our own” are doing so with the U.S.’s children in mind. I’m not sure how firing off about the desire to adopt Haitian orphans makes anyone more or less concerned about the children of the United States. It’s just a matter of apples to oranges.
A child is a child is a child is a child………of course there are many ways we, as Americans, can help the children of Haiti. One of those ways is through adoption. How can anyone deny a child the chance to have a decent life–one with a mom and a dad, good nutrition, education, love, etc.? I have adopted domestically and internationally. I have given birth to children. Each and every child in this world deserves a chance for happiness. Splitting hairs over where they were born is totally useless and without merit. We can support the world’s children in so many ways. Pick yours and do it. I’m glad there are so many who are interested in the orphans of Haiti. I hope we can all support them in the best way possible–either through direct relief or adoption. In the same breath, I’m hoping we can continue to support the children who are currently in the foster care system in the United States. We do so many of them a grave disservice by allowing them to continue to be foster kids rather than becoming a member of a family. Much work needs to be done on both fronts.
I agree with you totally. I have three birth children and one foster child. I see those poor children from Haiti on the news and wish they could all be adopted. But there are over 600,000 US children in the foster system. I felt alittle guilty thinking, if American’s want a child why don’t they look right here.
thank you! thank you! I too have 3 biological and one domestic adoption. It is terrible what happened in Haiti but hose 600,000 children in the USA also need help.
@Auttis: I wholeheartedly agree. I do think, though, that in light of the recent tragedy, there is a lot of focus on adoption being the “saving grace” (which is not an option for new PAP’s at this time whatsoever) while many don’t realize it’s not just as easy as saying “I want to adopt an orphan from Haiti”. I think there needs to be more information put out there about the other ways to help the children as so many people long to do–ways to help *now*. When Haiti reopens for adoptions, I’m all for anyone pursuing as such, but I think that it’s more important to maintain a focus on what we can do now.
Thanks for commenting–and reading!
Courtney
I do think there is a danger inherent in international adoption and that is the insidious belief that America is the best place to raise a child. In no way am I saying that every person who adopts internationally thinks that, but it definitely happens.
Organizations that work with local churches and other organizations to place orphans in loving families from the same culture understand the difficulty (note: not impossibility) of uprooting a child from a native culture and tongue.