As just about everyone knows, the Olympics are being held in Beijing, China in 2008. Subsequently, the country is going nuts preparing for this huge event and invasion by all things international and sporty.

I was in Beijing months before the Asian Games were scheduled to take place in the neighborhood of the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace and other remnants of the ancient and formerly grand, and saw the frenzy this sort of attention causes. (The games they were preparing for that year never happened, however, as this was March 1989, a mere three weeks before the sit-ins began in Tiananmen Square that ended up with many thousands killed and the country taking a giant step backward.)

The government was investing in a whole lotta flash, but not so much on the substance side of things. For example, a number of high-rise shells had been built, completely empty on the inside and with no provision to make them anything else. The point was to have them look like apartment blocks to the TV cameras that would be panning the skyline. Lights were even set up to complete the illusion. Meanwhile, of course, the people of Beijing were living in their customary hovels arranged around shared courtyards where a ton or so of community charcoal had been dumped.

Near where I stayed a freeway was under construction, or the overpass that would eventually have a freeway attached somehow. The progress was slow by western standards, but amazingly fast for a thousand guys with picks, shovels and baskets who were putting it together inch by inch. Not even anything as modern as a wheelbarrow was to be seen on the site, but what they lacked in machinery, they tried to make up for in scurrying. Determination on someone's part was evident.

Service, also a concern when the rest of the world will be coming over for a visit, was interesting, as well.

I was on this trip with my daughter, and we befriended a couple of couples who were sharing our experience. At dinner the first night in a new hotel, both couples mentioned that they'd been discussing in their rooms how odd it was that the telephone was situated all the way across the room, rather than on the table by the bed.

The next morning at breakfast, both couples announced that when they'd returned to the room after dinner the phones had been moved ... to the table by the bed. Apparently, service comes not only with a smile, but with a bug just in case a guest hints at some dissatisfaction in the privacy of their suite. I doubt there were many romantic moments between these husbands and wives during our stay.

As the run-up to the next big invasion of foreigners looms, the Chinese government's project of the moment is to 'stamp out poor English', or Chinglish, as it's often called.

Too bad, I say. One of the charms of China for many is the sight of silly signage. For example:

A road sign on Beijing's Avenue of Eternal Peace warns of a dangerous pavement with the words: "To Take Notice of Safe; The Slippery are Very Crafty".

Menus frequently list items such as "Corrugated iron beef", "Government abuse chicken" and "Chop the strange fish".

... At the Terracotta Warriors Museum in Xi'an a sign said "Cherishing Flowers and Trees" which meant "keep off the grass". The other on a cruise on the Yangtse River, "Don't Bother" instead of "Do not Disturb" on the cabin doors.

... Forbidden: Prostitution, gambling and drag abuse!

... a sign in front of a rock garden in the Forbidden City that warned tourists "Please do not climb the rocketry".

... Airline Pulp - The only English description on a snack package handed out with drinks on Southern China Airways.

... example of a mistranslated phrase belonged to a chocolate snack cake whose slogan promised: "This tastiness cannot be carried, even with both hands."

... in a hotel in China with the free (complimentary) bath stuff was a number of items for sale including a pair of boxer shorts labelled "Uncomplimentary Pants"!!

... "Please take advantage of the chambermaids" on a hotel brochure.

... "Site of jumping umbrella" (paragliding site)

... on a cruise on the Yangtse River, "Don't Bother" instead of "Do not Disturb" on the cabin doors.