I was reading an adoption blog the other day, and the author basically said, “Sorry I haven’t updated this blog for a number of months…We’re still waiting for our referral…It’s easier for us not to immerse ourselves in the adoption world while we wait.”
Huh. What a novel idea.
Imagine not spending all your free time reading adoption blogs. Imagine not checking your agency’s website for updates that you may have missed via email. Imagine not connecting with other adopting moms, particularly those from your agency, to share tidbits of information (which I’m sure the agencies just love). And if you’re waiting for a referral, imagine not making a little wish, in the hopes that THIS is THE CALL, every time your phone rings. I wonder what that would be like!
Forgive my honesty, but I bet that woman feels…free. I bet she has all her Christmas shopping done. I bet she walks her dog religiously every day. I bet her adoption paperwork is neatly organized in a white binder with color tabs. I bet she bakes. I bet she actually makes that stuff that I repin on Pinterest and never actually intend to do. If she has kids, I bet she has never missed a minute of playtime to read other people’s blogs. I bet she has time to go to the gym. And while she’s on the treadmill, I bet she’s not thinking about her next blog post.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the adoption community. I enjoy connecting with other mothers who are going through this crazy adventure. But sometimes, as another week goes by and I’m still not on the waiting list, and I read about others who are getting referrals and court dates, I feel like a woman who is trying to get pregnant and has to go to lunch with glowing, expectant friends. And someday, when I’m waiting for a referral that should come “any day now”, I’m pretty sure I’ll feel like I did when I was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant…”Nope, still no baby.”
Perhaps this woman, with her sparse blog, is on to something. Maybe distance would make the process easier.
For me, probably not. I would love to think that I have the will power to not obsess over something, but that’s just not me. I research everything. I do research before I buy sheets or even laundry detergent. I love poring over adoption information. I love sharing adoption information. I love reading people’s referral stories and sharing my journey with others, even if I’m a year behind where they are in the process. I love anything that makes me feel connected to the process, because I feel like I’m moving one step closer to my little girl. I suppose we all deal with this process in our own ways.