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I’ve touched upon this topic in past blogs briefly, but it’s definitely worth mentioning in a post of its own. Sometimes, the very process of getting started on your international adoption journey is very similar to riding a roller coaster. You’re elated to take this first step, your heart is soaring with love and hope and possibility as you coast the hills effortlessly, seamlessly. But before long, you’re back to the slow process of chugging to the top, trying to maintain a sense of optimism and avoid getting overwhelmed.
At least, that was the case in my experience.
It will surprise no one to read we were elated at the prospect of adopting a daughter from Guatemala. We rode this high quite contentedly, up until the first visit with our social work agency. Don’t ask me why that element knocked the wind out of our sails. I attribute it to the fact that it was the first time we sat down and really looked at the laundry list of paperwork. Additionally, it was the first time we wrote out a check for an amount larger than the agency application fee. It was daunting. Very daunting.
While my heart never wavered as to whether or not we should adopt, I did face a strong round of insecurities upon leaving our social work agency’s office. Would we be able to hack it with the paperwork? Our finances seemed secure and in place, but would we face unexpected costs? Would we pass our home study? Was I ready to weather the storms of waiting?
Yes. On all counts, yes.
We were able to hack it with the paperwork, even if I did (and still do) feel it was/is the most intimidating aspect of the process. From the home study paperwork to the forms required by our agency to the dossier, it was a lot. It was a bit stressful at times. But it was not impossible. Did we face unexpected costs? Certainly. We had low-balled our travel costs. We had a horribly difficult time finding the strongly suggested freshly minted money required for the in-country stay. However, we managed to both reconfigure our finances and find the required caliber of paper money needed for my husband’s time in Guatemala. We did pass our home study, and actually found the experience to be a lot less painless than we had heard/anticipated. As for weathering the storms of waiting, I did. Sometimes happily, sometimes not, but I did. And that old saying “worth the wait”? It doesn’t even come close to how grateful I am for every second of the process.
The long and short of it is that some hesitancy is normal and perfectly okay. It doesn’t mean you’re not a suitable candidate for international adoption; it doesn’t deem you an unfit prospective adoptive parent. You are embarking on a journey which requires a lot of time, dedication, financial organization, and effort. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed. It’s easy to say things like “keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel” and while it is true, you will have moments where you wonder if your child will ever join your family. Be patient with yourself. Try to stay organized. And above all, always try to keep your eye on that beautiful shining light at the end of the tunnel.
