I was over on the Reactive Attachment Disorders blog and Nancy’s post on infants got me thinking of just how amazingly lucky we have been. (Thank you, Nancy!)

Sam and Cj were born in Cambodia and came to us through Asian Orphans Association, Sam in 2003 and Cj in July of last year. AOA, like most of Cambodia, struggles and survives on a shoe string. Very little money must go a long way, and they manage somehow to house and feed on the average of one hundred children day in and day out. Since a suspension on Cambodian adoptions was imposed by the US, the UK and a couple of other European countries, things are harder … much harder.

Nonetheless, the children are fed, clothed, educated when old enough, and attended to by a doctor once a week. Most importantly, however, they are loved.

My kids were a bit more than three months old when they came home with us. Had those three months seen them stacked like cordwood, with bottles propped and very little attention, reactive attachment disorder could have been well in place and a lifetime of love would never be able to make up for the damage done.

Fortunately, that’s not how things are done at AOA. Each baby has a nanny who cares for the child twenty-four hours a day, seven day a week. They are responsible for feeding (sterilizing and boiling water, as well), bathing and changing the child in their care. (Neither of my kids had any parasites, internal or external, were very healthy and well within weight norms, with Sam at the top end in the ninety-fifth percentile for Europeans.) Nannies sleep on the floor of the baby room beside the hanging basket that serves as the cradle, frequently holding a string attached at the other end to the rattan of the crib making it easy to gently rock the baby if it stirs. When awake, infants are rarely out of Nanny’s arms, and eye contact, cuddles and coos come naturally with this closeness.

By eleven weeks old, Cj was responding to her nanny’s clucking sounds with her own little tongue clicks. She smiled broadly and followed Nanny with her eyes when held by others, although was easily engaged and comfortable when being adored by admiring fans. It took some time to shift her affection and trust from Nanny to me, but the process was smooth and complete.

When we arrived at AOA for Cj, word quickly spread that our first was there with us. Sam’s name had been Sen Chey, and as soon as we got out of the car that name could be heard being shouted all around. Within seconds, his nanny had run from where ever she’d been with a huge smile on her face. Sam surprised all of us by happily climbing into her arms and giving her a big, tight hug.

Photos of his baby self with Nanny are part of his life, so her face would have been familiar, but that does not explain to me the obvious comfort he felt with her at the first minute of contact. He’d not seen her since he was thirteen weeks old, but yet seemed to recognize her immediately. They spent the next couple of hours together and she hovered close as he met his new baby sister, possibly commiserating with Cj’s nanny over their lot to love and lose.

When we left AOA that day with Cj, just like two and a half years earlier with Sam, a sobbing nanny watched us go. We were back a couple of days later after shopping for the kids still there, so both nannies had more time with their former charges. Cj’s swore she could already notice a difference in her little girl …bigger, she said, and happier.

Forever grateful to these women, I send photos of the kids to their nannies whenever I hear of people going to Cambodia, and I know they are treasured. They’ll show us the collection next time we visit and pose for more shots with ‘their’ babies.