We're going to Cambodia! And, this time we won't be adopting while we're there, so this trip will be a real vacation.

As anyone who's ever traveled to another country to meet their new child knows, stress levels are too high and nerves too frayed during that amazing, emotional and extremely busy time to much to allow for much laid-back vacation fun.

Horror stories from headlines haunt the first-time adopting parents, and visions of babies vanishing in a puff of smoke while some shyster runs off with the dough dog every step until finally ... finally! ... you're strolling down the jetway and hefting that brand new car seat into the overhead locker before settling in for some hours of cramped cuddling in seats 12 A & B.

Mark and I are both experienced travelers. Not only have we visited many developing countries, we live in one, so Cambodia didn't present any big surprises. We were prepared for noise and traffic and poverty, and because we've spent a lot of time in South East Asia, the sites and smells were familiar.

As much as we wanted to dive in to Khmer culture, taste the Cambodian-ness of the place and see everything there was to see, our tourist desires were put on the back burner.

Although I remember every minute of our first trip to Cambodia in 2003 when we adopted Sam, those memories are almost all about him, and much of the rest is a blur. Even the impact of the Killing Fields and the Genocide Museum was filtered through a mist of speculation about the possible familiarity of faces of the tortured and how much of the blood spilled now flowed in my new son's veins.

Walking around Phnom Penh with our baby boy, so obviously Khmer while we were so obviously not, felt like a practice in impudence. Traffic literally stopped as people stared, and Mark and I had no way of knowing if those gawping at us were pleased or horrified at the site of Westerners with one of their children.

Knowing Cambodia's recent history well, being part of the generation for whom South East Asia for too long meant war and death, conveys a sense of danger to the first-time visitor. Guide books and such, almost always erring on the side of caution, underline the importance of safety and point out the possibilities of peril at every turn. Is it any wonder adopting parents might be nervous?

The gangs of child beggars felt particularly threatening. Not only could we see one of our child's potential future right before our eyes in the grasping throngs of grimy, scabies-ridden kids, the children seemed more than resentful and aimed envious glances and filthy hands at our baby.

Possibly because we were carrying a Khmer child, dozens of mothers attempted to push scrawny, naked infants into my arms, and I had no idea if their intent was to flush out a dollar or send me off with their child, too.

It was intense, we were nervous, and any foray into the the world of Phnom Penh beyond the gates of our hotel was a daunting experience.

For a look at our second adoption trip, see the next post.