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Many times, when people find out we have a daughter adopted from Guatemala and are adopting again from Ethiopia, there is some level of interest. Sure, I’ve met my fair share of criticisms, but I’ve also entertained many great discussions about adoption. One of the “big questions” that surfaces on the regular is as follows: “Why not adopt a baby from the US?”
Well? Why not?
I have a few answers, but let me first preface this by stating that I have nothing against the American adoption system. I think open adoption is one of the most beautiful ways to blend a family. I also feel that domestic adoption, particularly that of newborns, is in need of reform. However, international adoption doesn’t fare much better on that front, so that’s a discussion for a different post/day entirely. I didn’t choose to adopt two children internationally for the “status symbol” of a multiracial, multicultural family. It wasn’t a decision based on finances. Primarily, it was a choice based on a few elements: the age of our children/keeping them close together in age, the country (countries) of our choosing, and our current adoption experiences. When we set to adopt Beauty, we weren’t really looking for a newborn. We started the process when Bear was just a few months old, and we were hoping to wait around a year and bring home a baby between the ages of 6-12 months in age. Additionally, being a bit of a geography buff, I immersed myself in learning about the countries of our choosing and fell unabashedly in love with Guatemala (and then, in turn, Ethiopia). I did quite a bit of independent research (read as: non-agency related) and it really cemented our choice. Additionally, Bear is adopted by my husband (biologically born to me ) and at this point in time, he has no contact with his birth father. A huge consideration in adding to our family was that I worried an open adoption might send the wrong message to Bear until he was old enough to fully and completely understand. He would’ve had a sibling who maintained contact with his birth mother and perhaps his birth father, with maybe some additional birth family as well. With this not being an element in Bear’s current life, I didn’t want it to seem as though he were “less loved” (which I’d like to clearly state as a blatant falsity–that couldn’t be farther from the truth) by his birth father.
Clearly, I offer strangers the abridged version, citing elements of what I’ve glossed over without relaying those which hold too much personal detail or information. But adoption, like any decision to add a child to a family, is one usually not made in haste. Is international adoption for everyone? No, I don’t believe so, especially if you’re looking to adopt a newborn. I have yet to hear of a country which adopts out newborns on the regular; Guatemala completed several in less than two months post-birth and that in itself was quite a rarity. Also, there are health and medical concerns, along with a fairly high possibility of language delays (not to say all children adopted internationally face such issues, but these are valid concerns for prospective adoptive parents). Programs shut down, paperwork gets returned, lost, jumbled. There are obstacles. Yet there are obstacles to surmount for most things worthwhile in life, and international adoption is no exception. Even with the paperwork headaches and the seemingly endless wait, international adoption enabled me to meet–and consequently share my life with–one of the most amazing people in this world: my daughter.
